Whitney Head:
Meeting Criteria:
[1] at least 400 words of the point of view of the animal YES
[2] at least 700 words of what you have learned from the animal YES
[2] at least 700 words of what you have learned from the animal YES
[3] multimedia YES
[4] accurate word count 1400 words YES
[5] required citations YES
1. UNITY ,COHERENCE, AND FLOW 7
• The into was very well written, and has a very nice smooth flow. I am drawn into the paper by the introduction
• Clear main points states in each paragraphs
• Conclusion is satisfying however; I wish that it did not end in a quote.
• Most paragraphs have a clear topic that it is addressing.
2. ORGANIZATION AND LOGICAL ORDER 6
• You do a great job with order and the intro really catches you in and I do not ever get bored throughout the readings. There is no real buildup in the paragraphs to the conclusion but I get a clear understanding of the connection and what you have learned.
3. SPECIFICITY AND “CONCRETENESS” 7
• Your language in the essay does an amazing job in engaging my senses you do a great job of being very specific especially when needed (explaining what you have learned and can learn from the Arctic Fox)
4. INTEGRATION OF VERBAL AND VISUAL RHETORIC 7
• The images are places in the appropriate places in the story. It helps with the great use of imagery used to picture exactly what is being described at that moment.
• The use of the GIF at the end is quite and quirky and brings me back to the story (first paragraph when artic fox is digging) even though it is at the end.
5. PROOFREADING 6
• I could only find a few errors in your paper. Mostly of repetition.
o In paragraph one you repeat “the” twice.
o This occurs with “to” in paragraph 4 and in the second to last paragraph
o You also forgot a space between words before introducing the second quote
• (paragraph 6) “An artic Fox’s den usualhave”
o change have to has
6. DOCUMENTATION 4
• I gave you a 4 here because none of your pictures are documented. (I also forgot to document the images so do not feel bad).
• The rest of the documentation seems correct. I noticed that you numbered your quotes with roman numerals in brackets. Although there are many ways to number your quotes, “The Little Penguin Handbook” shows the numbering to be superscripted.
7. PUNCTUTION 7
• Since I could not find any punctuation errors and your paper read very smoothly. I gave you a 7!
8. WORD CHOICE 7
• Every word was beautifully crafted well fitting and well thought out in this paper.
• I only disliked the word choice of the first sentence. It kept me waiting to find out who “She” was but it never became clear. Were you referring to yourself?
• Some of my favorite words used “haunts”, “sustenance”, how you described the fix eating the scraps and much more!
9. CONSCISENESS 9
• You did an excellent job of balancing factual evidence and relating it to how you found inspiration from the Artic Fox. By you doing this it made it clear for the reader to understand and feel a connection between you and the Artic Fox.
• You did not repeat yourself and I don’t remember any part of your paper being wordy. Great Job.
[4] accurate word count 1400 words YES
[5] required citations YES
1. UNITY ,COHERENCE, AND FLOW 7
• The into was very well written, and has a very nice smooth flow. I am drawn into the paper by the introduction
• Clear main points states in each paragraphs
• Conclusion is satisfying however; I wish that it did not end in a quote.
• Most paragraphs have a clear topic that it is addressing.
2. ORGANIZATION AND LOGICAL ORDER 6
• You do a great job with order and the intro really catches you in and I do not ever get bored throughout the readings. There is no real buildup in the paragraphs to the conclusion but I get a clear understanding of the connection and what you have learned.
3. SPECIFICITY AND “CONCRETENESS” 7
• Your language in the essay does an amazing job in engaging my senses you do a great job of being very specific especially when needed (explaining what you have learned and can learn from the Arctic Fox)
4. INTEGRATION OF VERBAL AND VISUAL RHETORIC 7
• The images are places in the appropriate places in the story. It helps with the great use of imagery used to picture exactly what is being described at that moment.
• The use of the GIF at the end is quite and quirky and brings me back to the story (first paragraph when artic fox is digging) even though it is at the end.
5. PROOFREADING 6
• I could only find a few errors in your paper. Mostly of repetition.
o In paragraph one you repeat “the” twice.
o This occurs with “to” in paragraph 4 and in the second to last paragraph
o You also forgot a space between words before introducing the second quote
• (paragraph 6) “An artic Fox’s den usualhave”
o change have to has
6. DOCUMENTATION 4
• I gave you a 4 here because none of your pictures are documented. (I also forgot to document the images so do not feel bad).
• The rest of the documentation seems correct. I noticed that you numbered your quotes with roman numerals in brackets. Although there are many ways to number your quotes, “The Little Penguin Handbook” shows the numbering to be superscripted.
7. PUNCTUTION 7
• Since I could not find any punctuation errors and your paper read very smoothly. I gave you a 7!
8. WORD CHOICE 7
• Every word was beautifully crafted well fitting and well thought out in this paper.
• I only disliked the word choice of the first sentence. It kept me waiting to find out who “She” was but it never became clear. Were you referring to yourself?
• Some of my favorite words used “haunts”, “sustenance”, how you described the fix eating the scraps and much more!
9. CONSCISENESS 9
• You did an excellent job of balancing factual evidence and relating it to how you found inspiration from the Artic Fox. By you doing this it made it clear for the reader to understand and feel a connection between you and the Artic Fox.
• You did not repeat yourself and I don’t remember any part of your paper being wordy. Great Job.
Riley Vickers:
Ten points
Meeting Requirements: Yup
Unity, Coherence and Flow 6
Organization and Logical Order of the Prose 6
Specificity 5
Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric 6
Proofreading 6
Documentation 7
Punctuation 6
Diction 6
Conciseness 6
Overall: 6
Meeting Requirements: Yup
Unity, Coherence and Flow 6
Organization and Logical Order of the Prose 6
Specificity 5
Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric 6
Proofreading 6
Documentation 7
Punctuation 6
Diction 6
Conciseness 6
Overall: 6
Quotes/Passages to consider:
1. “I feel the meat hit my empty stomach, hunger pangs slowly abiding”
2. “I push the limited seal meat close to them and watch as they feed.”
3. Transition between animal perspective and lessons to be learned
4. The bit about hunting foxes for pelts
Suggestions to improve them:
1. Although Abiding might work, I think abating fits better to what you meant to say.
2. You could have totally meant it this way, but when I read that sentence it kinda creeps me out, which is exact opposite of what I would expect to feel in that situation, possibly a word with a more positive connotation? Feast, scarf down, just a thought.
3. Although I think I did something similar in my essay, the transition was a little abrupt, despite being a natural transition.
4. When I got to this part I was still enthralled by the writing but it seemed to be a little bit off topic from what arctic foxes have to teach us. I would consider relocating it.
Proofreading
It may be preferential, but I don’t think arctic fox needs to be capitalized.
“I too am protecting myself from potential hurt” Harm?
“Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food, the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.” I could be reading this incorrectly but from the penguin handbook page 232 “A colon indicates that what follows will explain or expand on what comes before the colon.” So in this case maybe the sentence can be re written as “Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food: the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.”
“making her allusive to catch” here I think you meant elusive, in which case I would rewrite the sentence as “My spirit animal is quick on her feet and elusive, making her difficult to catch.”
Wonderful work, I loved the writing, the pace and diction kept me interested and it was very easy to see fox-Gaby rustling underneath a bank of snow. Truly it was meant to be. I enjoyed each point you made about the arctic fox in relation to its traits and abilities, and the fact that rarely did you unnecessarily repeat your thoughts.
1. “I feel the meat hit my empty stomach, hunger pangs slowly abiding”
2. “I push the limited seal meat close to them and watch as they feed.”
3. Transition between animal perspective and lessons to be learned
4. The bit about hunting foxes for pelts
Suggestions to improve them:
1. Although Abiding might work, I think abating fits better to what you meant to say.
2. You could have totally meant it this way, but when I read that sentence it kinda creeps me out, which is exact opposite of what I would expect to feel in that situation, possibly a word with a more positive connotation? Feast, scarf down, just a thought.
3. Although I think I did something similar in my essay, the transition was a little abrupt, despite being a natural transition.
4. When I got to this part I was still enthralled by the writing but it seemed to be a little bit off topic from what arctic foxes have to teach us. I would consider relocating it.
Proofreading
It may be preferential, but I don’t think arctic fox needs to be capitalized.
“I too am protecting myself from potential hurt” Harm?
“Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food, the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.” I could be reading this incorrectly but from the penguin handbook page 232 “A colon indicates that what follows will explain or expand on what comes before the colon.” So in this case maybe the sentence can be re written as “Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food: the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.”
“making her allusive to catch” here I think you meant elusive, in which case I would rewrite the sentence as “My spirit animal is quick on her feet and elusive, making her difficult to catch.”
Wonderful work, I loved the writing, the pace and diction kept me interested and it was very easy to see fox-Gaby rustling underneath a bank of snow. Truly it was meant to be. I enjoyed each point you made about the arctic fox in relation to its traits and abilities, and the fact that rarely did you unnecessarily repeat your thoughts.
Josh Sterns:
Meeting Criteria: Yes
1. Unity, Coherence, and Flow: 6
Great job providing facts about the arctic fox and than showing how those traits correspond with you own life. Throughout the whole essay, unity, coherence, and flow was maintained which made it a spectacular piece to read.
2. Organization: 6
The essay was very well organized, the main points were easy to understand in every paragraph, and they flowed well together leading up to your conclusion. I do feel like your essay would benefit by using better transition words and grabbers to engage the reader.
3. Specificity: 5
There is a very good balance between what is facts about the arctic foxes life and how that plays a role in teaching you. One of my favorite sentences is, "All species of fox are notorious for being nimble, cunning, and sly, but I consider the Arctic Fox to be particularly adept." I like this because it shows what "you consider" and that is more meaningful in a piece like this.
4. Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric: 7
I really loved your pictures, but especially the one with the polar bear and the arctic fox. You had it side by side with your writing describing the scene and what you can learn from the arctic fox in that scene, but also what a negative trait about the arctic fox is. Also the video at the end is great!
5. Proofreading: 6
I could not find many errors.
" Hopeful, I return to my usual haunts in search of food, recalling the different berries and plants I had buried there when food was more plentiful." should that be hopefully?
Also I don't know if you need to capitalize arctic fox every time you write it.
6. Documentation: 5
You need to cite the pictures, but everything else seems to be fine.
7. Punctuation: 6
1. Unity, Coherence, and Flow: 6
Great job providing facts about the arctic fox and than showing how those traits correspond with you own life. Throughout the whole essay, unity, coherence, and flow was maintained which made it a spectacular piece to read.
2. Organization: 6
The essay was very well organized, the main points were easy to understand in every paragraph, and they flowed well together leading up to your conclusion. I do feel like your essay would benefit by using better transition words and grabbers to engage the reader.
3. Specificity: 5
There is a very good balance between what is facts about the arctic foxes life and how that plays a role in teaching you. One of my favorite sentences is, "All species of fox are notorious for being nimble, cunning, and sly, but I consider the Arctic Fox to be particularly adept." I like this because it shows what "you consider" and that is more meaningful in a piece like this.
4. Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric: 7
I really loved your pictures, but especially the one with the polar bear and the arctic fox. You had it side by side with your writing describing the scene and what you can learn from the arctic fox in that scene, but also what a negative trait about the arctic fox is. Also the video at the end is great!
5. Proofreading: 6
I could not find many errors.
" Hopeful, I return to my usual haunts in search of food, recalling the different berries and plants I had buried there when food was more plentiful." should that be hopefully?
Also I don't know if you need to capitalize arctic fox every time you write it.
6. Documentation: 5
You need to cite the pictures, but everything else seems to be fine.
7. Punctuation: 6
I could not find any punctuation problems, but I would consider rephrasing some of the fragments you use.
8. Word Choice: 7
I believe this was your strongest part of the essay. I loved your usage of plethora and endeavors.
9. Conciseness: 6
Every word in the essay played a role in portraying your main points. I do not believe it was too word, actually just perfect.
8. Word Choice: 7
I believe this was your strongest part of the essay. I loved your usage of plethora and endeavors.
9. Conciseness: 6
Every word in the essay played a role in portraying your main points. I do not believe it was too word, actually just perfect.
Patrick Connolly:
Requirements met: Yes
Unity, Coherence, and Flow: 6
• Very smoothly written paper.
• The main points were brought out very well.
• You have smooth transitions, not too clunky.
• Your paragraphs stay focused.
• Your introduction was very drawing and very well written.
• Everything seemed smooth until the conclusion. It seemed abrupt. Organization: 6
• Again, the only problem I had was the way it ended so abruptly. You had everything planned out very nicely, connecting your points until the end.
Specificity: 6
• You seemed to do a good amount of research about the Artic Fox, and using this information you connected it well to what you could learn from them. For example, when you talked about how they wait for polar bears to kill and they stay out of their business.
• Very smoothly written paper.
• The main points were brought out very well.
• You have smooth transitions, not too clunky.
• Your paragraphs stay focused.
• Your introduction was very drawing and very well written.
• Everything seemed smooth until the conclusion. It seemed abrupt. Organization: 6
• Again, the only problem I had was the way it ended so abruptly. You had everything planned out very nicely, connecting your points until the end.
Specificity: 6
• You seemed to do a good amount of research about the Artic Fox, and using this information you connected it well to what you could learn from them. For example, when you talked about how they wait for polar bears to kill and they stay out of their business.
Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric: 7
• You did really well putting the pictures next to the writing that was going on.
• I really like that you added the movie at the end, it made a nice ending.
Proofreading: 6
• You did really well putting the pictures next to the writing that was going on.
• I really like that you added the movie at the end, it made a nice ending.
Proofreading: 6
Overall, really well done and I could not find much.
• You repeated the word “the” in paragraph one sentence no 4.
• I agree that I do not know if you need to uppercase “Arctic Fox”.
Documentation: 5
• Only because you forgot to site the images.
• Everything else looks fine.
Punctuation: 7
• You repeated the word “the” in paragraph one sentence no 4.
• I agree that I do not know if you need to uppercase “Arctic Fox”.
Documentation: 5
• Only because you forgot to site the images.
• Everything else looks fine.
Punctuation: 7
• I could not personally find any punctuation problems. Well done.
Word Choice: 7
• I felt like this was your strongest.
• I loved the way you used verbs to depict the animals movements. For example, “Stealthily, I scamper in the direction of the seal.”
• Made imagery really easy for the reader.
Conciseness: 7
• You used your words very well.
• You did not seem to be stalling and trying to add words to meet the criteria.
Overall you wrote a very good paper.
Word Choice: 7
• I felt like this was your strongest.
• I loved the way you used verbs to depict the animals movements. For example, “Stealthily, I scamper in the direction of the seal.”
• Made imagery really easy for the reader.
Conciseness: 7
• You used your words very well.
• You did not seem to be stalling and trying to add words to meet the criteria.
Overall you wrote a very good paper.
Lauryn Gonzales:
Meeting Criteria:
[1] at least 400 words of the point of view of the animal: YES
[2] at least 700 words of what you have learned from the animal: YES
[3] multimedia: YES
[4] accurate word count 1400 words: YES
[5] required citations: YES
You wrote: “Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food, the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.” Consider using a dash after food.
Unity, Coherence, and Flow: 5
Smoother transitions are needed throughout your writing, especially between paragraphs. No pauses were necessary to figure out what you meant.
Organization and Logical Order of the Prose: 5
The placement of the information on the Red Fox is very questionable. Other than that, the organization of your main points is logical.
Specificity and “Concreteness”: 5
I thought the sentence “To kill any animal in the name of fashion is selfish and disrespectful, the freedom of majestic animals being carelessly thrown away” was awkwardly worded. Maybe re-wording it would make the point clearer. I also think elaborating on how the Arctic Fox’s traits benefit you would enhance your writing.
Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric: 7
[2] at least 700 words of what you have learned from the animal: YES
[3] multimedia: YES
[4] accurate word count 1400 words: YES
[5] required citations: YES
You wrote: “Also, with the decline of bears and wolves, Arctic Foxes are losing a major source of food, the carcasses left behind by the larger predators.” Consider using a dash after food.
Unity, Coherence, and Flow: 5
Smoother transitions are needed throughout your writing, especially between paragraphs. No pauses were necessary to figure out what you meant.
Organization and Logical Order of the Prose: 5
The placement of the information on the Red Fox is very questionable. Other than that, the organization of your main points is logical.
Specificity and “Concreteness”: 5
I thought the sentence “To kill any animal in the name of fashion is selfish and disrespectful, the freedom of majestic animals being carelessly thrown away” was awkwardly worded. Maybe re-wording it would make the point clearer. I also think elaborating on how the Arctic Fox’s traits benefit you would enhance your writing.
Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric: 7
Your multimedia and images really add to your writing and their placement is superb.
Proofreading: 6
The only noticeable error I found was the same thing just repeated. You use “it’s” when referring to ownership, which is incorrect. You should use “its.” For example, the sentence “I watch the massive bear leave it's meal and decide to move from my position behind the boulder and take my only chance for food” should read “I watch the massive bear leave its meal…”
Documentation: 6
Cite the images.
Punctuation: 7
No noticeable punctuation errors.
Word Choice: 6
Proofreading: 6
The only noticeable error I found was the same thing just repeated. You use “it’s” when referring to ownership, which is incorrect. You should use “its.” For example, the sentence “I watch the massive bear leave it's meal and decide to move from my position behind the boulder and take my only chance for food” should read “I watch the massive bear leave its meal…”
Documentation: 6
Cite the images.
Punctuation: 7
No noticeable punctuation errors.
Word Choice: 6
Your word choice is great in the first part, and I could not find any instances where I thought words should be replaced.
Conciseness: 6
I do not have any comments on your conciseness, other than the awkwardly worded one above.
Conciseness: 6
I do not have any comments on your conciseness, other than the awkwardly worded one above.
Janet Montesi:
Meeting the Requirements: yes
1. Unity, Coherence, and Flow – 7
You have a really intriguing writing style that is easy to follow along with! I definitely recognized the flow between the different paragraphs. Great job!
2. Organization and Logical Order of the Prose – 7
1. Unity, Coherence, and Flow – 7
You have a really intriguing writing style that is easy to follow along with! I definitely recognized the flow between the different paragraphs. Great job!
2. Organization and Logical Order of the Prose – 7
Again, your paragraphs and anecdotes/examples were all organized in a very logical order. I had no problem understanding how you organized it.
3. Specificity and “Concreteness” – 6
The only thing that I would suggest here is to give more concrete examples of how you either exhibit or lack the various traits of the arctic fox to make it more specific.
Also: “Although my spirit animal is strong and vigilant, she too has many predators.” Maybe elaborate here on what predators she has and how that affects her leadership?
4. Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric – 7
You really integrated your quotes and images nicely! I love the animation of the arctic fox diving into the snow – so cute!
5. Proofreading – 6
3. Specificity and “Concreteness” – 6
The only thing that I would suggest here is to give more concrete examples of how you either exhibit or lack the various traits of the arctic fox to make it more specific.
Also: “Although my spirit animal is strong and vigilant, she too has many predators.” Maybe elaborate here on what predators she has and how that affects her leadership?
4. Integration of Verbal and Visual Rhetoric – 7
You really integrated your quotes and images nicely! I love the animation of the arctic fox diving into the snow – so cute!
5. Proofreading – 6
I only found a few minor errors here, but they will be super easy to correct:
“Their fur, serving as fantastic insulation along with their compact body, allows the Arctic Fox to conserve their heat which makes living in such a cold environment possible.”
“Another species of fox, the Red Fox, are expanding more and more every year into the habitats of the Arctic Fox.” – subject verb agreement in both of these
6. Documentation – 6
“Their fur, serving as fantastic insulation along with their compact body, allows the Arctic Fox to conserve their heat which makes living in such a cold environment possible.”
“Another species of fox, the Red Fox, are expanding more and more every year into the habitats of the Arctic Fox.” – subject verb agreement in both of these
6. Documentation – 6
Only thing is to cite your pictures!
7. Punctuation – 6
7. Punctuation – 6
Just a minor error:
“Thousands of Arctic Foxes are killed each year for their fur and although the Arctic Fox in particular is not considered to be an endangered species, the brutal slaughter of poor defenseless Arctic Foxes by armed human beings disrupts the circle of life.” –this sentence is almost a run-on because it is so long, so maybe split it up into two?
8. Word Choice – 7
“Thousands of Arctic Foxes are killed each year for their fur and although the Arctic Fox in particular is not considered to be an endangered species, the brutal slaughter of poor defenseless Arctic Foxes by armed human beings disrupts the circle of life.” –this sentence is almost a run-on because it is so long, so maybe split it up into two?
8. Word Choice – 7
I loved your choice of words throughout- it really conveyed your point clearly and showed the emotion and connection you feel to your spirit animal. This was one of your strongest points! But I think in: “I believe full-heartedly” you should choose a different word for full-heartedly.
9. Conciseness – 7
9. Conciseness – 7
You rarely said something with too many words; I think you did a great job of being concise!
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